What does the good doctor have to say about this topic...........
Dr. Phil Advice on Divorce:
Dr. Reena Sommer
Without a doubt we owe Oprah Winfrey a debt of gratitude for introducing Dr. Phil McGraw to the world.
By doing so, Oprah opened the door for millions of people to benefit from Dr. Phil's wisdom, skill and wit. Of all the tough issues he tackles, in my view, Dr. Phil excels the most in the area of divorce advice.
Dr. Phil's approach to helping people cope with the stressors of divorce is twofold:
Guiding adults to gain a realistic perspective of the divorcing process and what lies ahead for them as their new life path unfoldsemphasizing the need to be child focused to alleviate the distress experienced by children during the divorcing process
Of the divorce advice Dr. Phil offers to parents about how to become more effective in their parenting roles, the following are the most meaningful:
Offer children a model of solidarity because this will reduce their anxiety and instill a sense of security within them. This can be done by sitting down with your ex and making an affirmative parenting plan that focuses on meeting the needs of your children. Make a commitment to yourself and to your ex that you will each agree that you will absolutely not make disparaging remarks about each other to your children. As well, do not tolerate hearing any disparaging remarks about either parents from your children. Divorce is a time when it is important to establish new and clear boundaries.
If at all possible, attempt to agree on boundaries and behavioral guidelines for how to raise your children so that there's consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they're with at any given time. Try to keep the lines of communication open with your ex regarding all aspects of your child's development and welfare. Never use the children as vehicles of communication when it has to do with issues that the parents should otherwise be dealing with themselves.Divorce is a time of change that can also be quite stressful, During these times, children may be prone to testing a situation and manipulating boundaries and guidelines. This is especially true if they feel there's a chance to get something they may not ordinarily be able to obtain. At these times, it's important that you and your ex compare notes with each other before jumping to conclusions or condemning one another about what may have happened.
This is just a sampling of what Dr. Phil has to say about divorce. What is impressive is his common sense approach to managing a stressful and challenging time of life.