Longterm relationship secrets.
Here’s what to do:
Maintain and improve intimacy.
Agree and develop rituals which increase bonding and intimacy. Have a date night, talk to each other on the phone whilst at work, just to say hi. Spend family time together, like the family supper every night, breakfast at the weekend etc. Have the occasional dirty weekend ,either away or at home. Surprise your partner, bring her flowers, make his favorite dessert, have a bear and popcorn at his chair and switch on the game on TV for him. (I get up early in the mornings to leave for work, so I make a quick cup of tea take it to my significant other while she is showering. A small thing, but it just shows that I am thinking of her.)
Be kind and respectful to each other at all times. This is the person you love and care for, not an enemy, even if you disagree with something. When the stress of life lets you loose your cool, don’t vent on your partner, gang up on it together. And yes some times, you just need to let each other be and give some space. Wait until a reasonable emotional state prevails, before talking about it.
But – do talk about it. Resolve arguments. Letting something fester will destroy any relationship. When it is earth shattering, clear the air. If it is insignificant, clear the air. A lingering disagreement will only poison and skew all activities by the other person, whether good or bad.
Remember what Arnold Schwarzenegger said ” My wife votes for the other political party. Well that is a disease, but I agreed to marry her in sickness and in health. Seeing that she supports the other party is a sickness, that does not affect our marriage” OK I’ve paraphrased a bit, but the message is great. Consider anything you don’t agree with as a disease, which you accept about your partner.
Accept that you are different.
Appreciate each others differences and eccentricities, especially as man and woman. Let him hog the TV remote, it’s not important, let him be. When she wants to discuss her feelings, listen. Most of the time she doesn’t even want your “expert” opinion, just someone to listen and be there.
Accept that your differences may cause you to have different friends. Let her go and have coffee with her friends and peruse the mall. Let him get his buddies over to play poker, smoke and drink beer.
Create domains of responsibility. The kitchen is her domain, the garage his. This doesn’t mean that he can’t help with the dishes, or she can’t help vacuum the car. But allow yourselves to have semi private domains. Support each others’ activities, but don’t hi jack them. If his buddies come around, get some crisps and beer at the mall. When her sewing group comes round, switch on the radiator so the room is warm for when they arrive.
In conclusioin:
There is tremendous power in the knowledge that your relationship is a growing, changing entity. Embrace the changes, be aware of them. Work with them, don’t try to fight them.
Change is normal, as is growth or decline. It will happen, with or without you. You have the power to choose growth over decline.
There is a law of physics that basically states that something not tended to
will go to ruin. Don’t think your relationship is exempt from this law, it isn’t. As a matter of fact I have seen this law be more ruthless in human relationships han anywhere else. (Trust me on this one!)
Be aware, be alive, make your love last and grow.
Keep on loving
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Joke of the week:
Two law partners hire a new cute, young secretary and a contest arises between them as to who can bed her first, even though they’re both already married. Eventually one of them scores with her and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went.
“So what did you think?” he asks.
“Ahh,” replies the first lawyer, “my wife is better.”
Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the secretary. “So,” asks the first guy, “what did you think?”
The second guy replies, “You were right, your wife is better”